The Lost Chance
by piichee
Summary: [AU] Rukia had been proven and taught, time and again, that the right chances come at the most unexpected times - and that you have to have the guts to take that plunge. Ichigo Kurosaki was one such chance and she didn't have the guts to take him... until after he slips right through her arms. [Previously titled one-shot, "Our Days End"]
1. The End

**Our Days End**

x

x

A soft, hesitant knock on the door nearly knocked her soul out of her body. It nearly gave her a cardiac arrest. It nearly made her feel something forbidden; her heart starts beating faster, and this time she knows fully it's something other than fear. It's foreign, it's wonderful, it's maddening… but the consequences, she imagines, are frightening.

Every single time, he knocks only once. As a secret sign, "It's me." There was no verbal agreement, no deal, she just knew. It was him; because, who else was this stupid? She waits patiently. She waits for him to go away, for his unbelievably strong cologne that was premating the air through the crack below her door to dissipate; she doesn't move an inch, forgets breathing for a while. Her eyes are glued to the floor beneath the door. His legs cast a shadow.

Her heart clenched unexpectedly as his shadow disappears. Did he actually leave? She can't believe she's asking herself that.

She labels tonight as the night her heart went AWOL; later she concludes - every night he's there, her heart knows no bounds. His shadow comes back again and she thinks she's going to have a heart attack soon. The weak door creaks slightly. She realizes he's standing against it.

Two soft knocks, "Rukia." He hoarsely whispers. But to her, it's much louder and clearer than anything she's ever heard.

She had no choice now. She wraps her thin blanket around her, drops her magazine on her bed and skips towards the door.

He nearly tumbles in as she opens her door. He quickly regains himself and turns to her. They have a staring contest; neither of them blinks, neither of them smiles.

She breaks away her gaze, taking a quick glance below her. He doesn't cross her threshold. He stands firmly behind the line. She knows he won't cross it unless she allows to. She admired that.

She stares up at him, silently loving that she's smaller than him. She only admitted to herself about that. He looms over, casting his wide shadow over her, blocking away the glaring light away from her.

She doesn't waste much time. She takes a step back, against her heart's wishes and clenches the door. "I'm off duty." She gets ready to slam the door on his face, as coldly as she possibly could.

She almost does, but she momentarily forgets how strong he is. He smirks, his lone hand resting firmly on her door, blocking it from making any contact with his face. "I know."

She musters up her strongest glare. "Ichigo." She sternly says.

"Rukia." He answers with mock annoyance, and he doesn't even try to mask his sheer amusement.

She sighs helplessly, but stands her guard. "I'm off duty." She repeats, then slowly continues, "Why do you… you know, but still… why?"

His eyes soften as looks at her, a range of emotions already reaching her without words. Tiredly, he let's go of her door and leans on the frame. He closes his eyes for a moment, racking a hand through his unruly mop of hair.

As he finally opens his eyes, she knows what he'll say. She now firmly knows why he is here tonight, and every night. His words have become memorized, etched into her brains and has her longing every day, every time she remembers them, for something that was impossible for her. Something forbidden, something wonderful – every single time he appears on her doorstep, on duty or off it.

And now she prays he doesn't say them.

But has whoever she prays to been merciful to her?

Her life flashes in front of her eyes. Nope, not once.

"I want to help you… and…" he leaves his next words unspoken, and she dreadfully knows what they are.

She thanks for all the years she has spent on this line of work for giving her the ability – or curse – to control her emotions and her tears. Her eyes sting, threatens to unleash tears. But they don't.

"Ichigo." She relishes upon the fact that she can say his name without coating with anything she doesn't feel. He's been the only one. "Just… give up." Every time, she tries to talk him out of it. She doesn't want to; she wants nothing more than to comply with his wishes. She knows she can't.

His face hardens, determination flashing on his features. "No." His firm answer leaves no room for denial. Too bad it's the only option for her.

Her shoulders droop, her head hangs low, she clutches the door for support, she feels as if she's slipping away and she sighs. She's tired of putting up with him every time, tired of fighting her emotions… just tired and sick of it all.

"I'm tired Ichigo. Please…" she chokes on her next words, the throbbing pain in her chest now more than before. "I'm tired." She quietly says.

He heaves an exasperated sigh. She knows he's tired of doing this over and over. But in these last few days, his determination has been off the charts. After all, he only has a few days left.

"Forget about me." This time, she stares into his eyes, hoping that he would listen her, just this one time. "I'm not worth it. You can't change what I have become. I'm too… tainted." She wanted to avoid being so dramatic and cliched. But that word suited her more than anything she could think of.

"This…" he starts, slowly gathering strength to speak one last time, "This is not you." He sternly says and it seemed like truly believed what he said.

"Ichigo…" she puts a hand on his chest, feeling the beating of his heart and the warmth spreading through. She applies a small pressure on his chest and managed to push him back. She stepped back into her room and started closing her door.

A look of panic spread through his face. She stops halfway into closing, leaving just enough gap for her face to peek through.

"You have only a week left in this town. You wasted 4 months of your trip here, with me. This town has a lot to offer. I suggest you see those before you leave… and not waste any more time on me, Ichigo."

And she truly meant everything she said. "It's futile." She smiled a rueful smile, the best one she could offer to him.

He gaped at her. He frowned at her. He stared with empty eyes at her. It was not the expression she wanted to see for the last time on his face, but she settled for what she got. Mustering all the energy she had, she closed the door.

She leaned against the door and let tears stream down her face. She was alone in her room now, no one else there to see her. She could let free everything. She pressed her ear to her door and waited, while silently crying. Soon, she heard loud thumps echoing through.

And with that, she knew he had walked away.

* * *

For the next remaining days, Rukia had waited for him. It had been a bad habit of hers to wait for him after she blew him off like that. He always came back, with more determination than the previous day.

A week rolled by and she realized today was the day Ichigo would leave. As a habit she waited with bated breath when he would come knocking and say one last goodbye to her.

Her customers came in and went out. She paid no heed to them or to the money they left.

Midnight came faster than she realized, and she knew what she had known all along.

She had lost her lone chance at salvation and to finally live a life worth living.

Ichigo had left and her life was back to normal.


	2. The Letter

**A/N:** _So this was previously a one-shot that i could not leave alone, and I had to write out the remaining plot.  
__The story will be going backwards, as in I started from how it ended and I will finish it with how it all started.  
Enjoy the story and a lot will be revealed at later chapters!_

* * *

The Lost Chance

Chapter 1

x

x

"Rukia." Ichigo's voice cut through the silence and the stillness of the dark room. His voice was barely above the volume of a whisper, but it was clear and curt and he was demanding her attention. Rukia inwardly sighed and the mourned the loss of the wonderfully silent moment. In her head, it was almost as if his voice had shattered through a glass wall that was protecting them from the outside world; and it wasn't see-through. And now, they had to face the harsh reality that was life.

She hummed a small reply, not wanting to talk or do anything for that matter. She tightened her arms around his small waist and buried her face – if possible – further into Ichigo's blanket covered chest. Though the blanket had her scent all over it, she noted happily it had some of his scent – that was the cologne he _always_ wore – permeated into it. She lost herself yet again in his scent, his hand's soothing circular movements on her back making her feel as if his hand was boring right through her back and into her soul; she felt as if he was bringing out her soul one part at a time, per revolution.

And that was why, when his hand ceased its movements, Rukia felt as if her soul was slammed right back into her forcefully; she jerked slightly, her eyes shot open and she stared into the darkness of her room. She could make out her door only because of the crack beneath it allowing light from her hallway to sweep in.

Her windows were open, but there was no light coming from them. Rukia raised her head and stared at what she hoped was Ichigo's face. "I knew that would catch your attention," he whispered softly to her, his breath blowing her bangs that covered half of her face.

"Fine," Rukia shifted slightly to place herself more comfortably on Ichigo, "What?"

Ichigo remained silent, and Rukia knew exactly what was going through his head. Her hand on his chest felt his heart beating; though not fast, but slightly erratic beating. His chest rose and fell, and Rukia – situated on top of him – moved along with him. She was _that _light weighted.

"I have a few weeks left," Ichigo started, pausing immediately, drawing in a heavy breath.

"A week and 4 days to be exact." Rukia haughtily corrected him, unsettled by sheer proudness she felt by it.

Ichigo was amused. He laughed a little and brought his hand to rest on top of her head, ruffling her hair like a little kid. Rukia inwardly grumbled at the fact that his hand took up her entire head.

"Okay, I have a week _and _four days left," Ichigo paused again, and Rukia would have thought he did that for dramatic effects. But no, she knew better. He tended to get his words in a jumble whenever he was nervous. Pausing in between sentences gave him the clarity to continue clearly.

Rukia grew more disturbed by the second; disturbed by the fact that she could predict him so easily and knew every one of his quirks, his habits and by far, some of his daily routine. In scant three weeks, she had come to know him so well – she didn't even know Rangiku that well and she had spent a good numbers of years with that woman.

"I'll be leaving this town after that and I might not ever come back," Ichigo slowly continued, building up to what he initially set after to say. "And… I want you to –"

X

Ichigo suddenly stopped mid-speech as soon as he felt Rukia shuffle to detangle herself from him. His hand limply trailed down her bare back as she sat upright beside him. Her hand pushed at his waist, prompting him to move. Ichigo wordlessly shifted over to his side, away from her; the bed creaked slightly as Rukia pushed herself to get off it. Even in the darkness, he traced the slight outline of her, and found her standing at the foot of the bed. A sort of panic took over him – Rukia was upset… suddenly.

Ichigo's mind racked through his memories; his words, his actions… anything he might have done to cause her to abruptly act this way.

"Rukia –" he started, reaching out his hand to grasp her, as she walked around the bed and right beside him. The lamp on her table came on suddenly and dimly lit the room. Rukia was stood before him, her figure towering over him, and her face scrunched to one of her formidable frowns. She stood directly in front of the lamp, wearing his over-sized shirt and absolutely nothing underneath; her hands rested firmly on her hips, and she looked ready to fight a war.

"Ichigo, you are not a kid." Rukia started, with her stern adult voice. "How many times do have to explain to you… NO!"

"But Rukia, we –"

"No!" Rukia cut in, pointing accusingly at him with her finger. "There is – nor there was – any 'we'. There especially won't be after you leave. This, Ichigo," she frantically circled the space between them with her hands, "None of this is real."

Ichigo is unbelievable hurt at her words. Granted, this was not the first time he heard them. He's been hearing them since he brought up the – according to Rukia – the _taboo_. At first he thought, maybe because no one has ever said them to her. No one had the heart to see the beautiful being that was Rukia. To them, she was just a _thing_. Ichigo wanted to change that. She was capable of so much – so much more than the sad reality she was living called life. She had gone through a lot, something that even he agreed with her – something that cannot be erased, nor forgotten. But they can be dulled; something much better can make her, even momentarily forget about it.

But… why was she resisting this much? Ichigo estimated it would take a few days of coaxing to make her comply. But it has been almost two weeks. And he was growing anxious.

A dark thought crept in the corners of his mind. He had pushed it back and back until to the point of delusion. He knew what ever existed between them was not an illusion. It wasn't only him. It had been proven time and again… _this was real._

But what if she… Ichigo dared not to finish the thought.

X

Storming out was one of ichigo's specialties. First, he would make a face. A face that screamed dominant, angry and indignant. Then, he would stare at you as if he was boring holes into your very soul; judging you, taking you apart one by one, examining you. He would calmly walk about, gathering his things. And equally calmly, open the door and walk out, closing the door behind in a silent, _click!_

Rukia stood in the middle of the room, clutching the fabric on her, not miffed at Ichigo's actions. She was too used to it. She ran a hand through her hair, ruffling it slightly in the middle and let out a rueful laugh. How odd that they had fights like a couple in love. They would fight, one of them would storm out and the next day they would talk as if nothing happened and be on their merry way.

_We are in lo… _Rukia stopped herself. It was never good to get indulged in things she couldn't have. She didn't deserve good things, she thought bitterly, she deserved live the way she was now. She didn't want to cause Ichigo any trouble. She would end up spoiling his perfect life. She did obviously have a knack for that.

She clutched the shirt even tighter around her. He had forgotten his shirt… again. Rukia had lost count of how many shirts she had of his. And how many shirts did that boy actually have?!

Yes, to Rukia, Ichigo was a boy. A boy who need to learn to know what's best for him; and she would not, could not, let herself wreak havoc on his perfect life, just so she could indulge herself. She… had fallen too much for that boy to wish that.

But little did Rukia know, she had already wreaked havoc on his perfect life and the boy wanted the havoc named Rukia to last forever.

X

Rukia was naturally up at the crack of dawn. Though she distinctly remembered falling asleep _at _the crack of dawn; drawing the conclusion, she had slept for not more than an hour. Her eyes slowly fluttered open, stinging from the sun that streaked through her window; although the sun never hurt her eyes, as long as she hadn't bawled her eyes out crying the night before. She turned and shifted beneath her frail blanket, rubbing her eyes into her pillow.

As her consciousness slowly regained itself, she noted that her room smelled… different. Nice, in fact; she immediately shot up on her bed and frantically looked around. Whatever smelled nice would be easy to find since there was nothing in her room, save for a bed and a table. And on that bed, she found the sweetest thing her eyes ever laid upon.

Rukia crawled out of bed, and treaded slowly towards her table. The smell was growing stronger as she approached it and her stomach growled at it. _Food! _She thought happily.

She peered over the transparent wrap of the small basket; in there lay three different kinds of cupcakes, doughnuts and muffins. And all of them cutely decorated in pink topping. Her cheeks flushed momentarily at the sheer cuteness of it all, but soon the question pooped in her mind. _Who is it from?_

Then she thought she'd rather be thinking, _how _it was in her room in the first place. Panic washed over her soul, until she spotted a neatly folded white page beneath the basket. She gingerly brought it out and on opening; she ran her eyes through the text.

She balked at the sight of Rangiku's handwriting.

_Rukia, my darling_ – it began. _I wish I could have said goodbye to you face to face, but I guess I will have to settle for this._

"Goodbye…? What…" Rukia stumbled onto her bed, not being able to stand anymore due to shock.

_When I tried to come in last night, I found that your room was locked. So I got my key and came in – and what I saw was my precious Rukiruki soundly sleeping and you looked so cute and everything, I didn't want to wake you! Tehe! But I also knew that you had been crying. How I know? Call it a mother's intuition ;) So I let you rest and that made this goodbye a whole lot easier._

Rukia thumbed the still wet patch on the side of the page, where some ink had been smudged in. A tear too rolled down Rukia's cheek, as she was sure Rangiku's had too.

_Gin came by last night. And we finally put our plan into motion. It was so sudden; I had to leave EVERYTHING behind! That fox-faced bastard didn't let me take anything. But Rukia… I was so happy! I finally get to get out of this hell hole! Gin said that he and I would be living in a town much MUCH far away from here. So that nobody knows who I am. Isn't that wonderful?_

_Rukia, I love him so much and I am so happy, that I could die! Just kidding :P _

_And you. I wish I could take you with me. I am going to miss you so much. But you know what makes me happier?_

_Ichigo! You and him, you two can finally get away from here! Oh Rukia, he's gonna – _

Rukia couldn't bear to read anymore after that. She thought after weeks, her tears might have dried. But clearly, she had more left to bawl out. She clutched the letter to her chest, crumpling it, and sobbed quietly. Rangiku… was gone. She couldn't tell whether she was happy that Rangiku had found her salvation or frightened that, she was finally alone again.

Momentarily, she thought of Ichigo; she allowed herself to be put in Rangiku's position. What if she had… accepted Ichigo?

Momentarily, she felt deliriously happy.

And in the next moment, she burst her own bubble.

She thought about taking a walk today. A stroll through the park, maybe.

Yes, for the next few days she would be off duty and Ichigo-free. She would go on a spending spree like Rangiku did when she had saved enough money.

Even if Ichigo should come knocking at her door, she could just shoo him away.

Oh, if only it were that easy.

* * *

_Don't forget to review! :)_

**Next chapter: Rukia reveals her past and the 'whys' and the 'whens' to her life.**


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